1. How do you know if you're on the right path? I know what I love doing (performance) but I can't dedicate as much time as I'd like to getting better because I have to work so hard to do what I should be doing (psychology) which I also enjoy but not as much as performance. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change a lot of the choices I made growing up, in terms of my education and hobbies. I would've spent a lot more time on improving my dance technique and ability as well as my acting and vocal skills. These are things that require work as well and I really wish I had worked on them more. It's never too late to do it but it's a lot harder now.
2. I love making friends and I feel connected to people really easily but how do you avoid getting hurt? I have had bad experiences feeling close to people in the past only to find they don't feel the same way. Unfortunately I have been given a heart that feels too much. It sounds really lame I know. Even typing it, I want to erase that sentence but it's the truth. I get so happy and joyous making great friends only to feel rejected by them in the end. I have developed a complexity that makes me feel inadequate and unworthy of real friendship as a result. I often ask myself "Why doesn't so and so want to hang out with me? Why don't they confide in me? What have I done to upset or turn this person away?" Don't get me wrong I absolutely love all my friends and family and am so utterly grateful for each one and thank God for them in my life, but because I care for them so much and put them on a pedestal, all the more reason it's hard when I feel rejected by them. In the end I try and tell myself not to take it personally and that I'll make new friends as my journey through life continues.
3. Self esteem: How important is it to have it? Does anyone truly have it? What does it mean and what does it look like? Does self-esteem mean you have no insecurities? Do the people who say the "cockiest" things really have self esteem or are they just covering up their own insecurities? What are you allowed to do to get it? How much of your physical self do you think it's OK to alter until you feel more confident? We change our size, our hair, our eye colour, our clothes etc.. why can't we change our noses and thighs while we're at it? I have to live with what I see in the mirror every day, shouldn't I be worried about making me happy and not you who only has to look at me every once in a while? It's not like I can afford to change anything lol but if I could I would and I hope no one would judge me.
Speaking of change here's a recent pic of my new haircut.
Well I apologize for the heavy topics today guys but I've had all these issues and more on my mind and in my heart recently and this is just a way for me to get things off my chest. Hope there's no judgement and thanks for reading and visiting my blog. Sign up if you want to follow me and get regular updates.
Much love to everyone out there
Maureen
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