Valuable lessons from mumsie and teta

I can definitely admit that as a child and teenager I had little to no appreciation for the love and wisdom of my mom and grandma. When I look back at what I put them through I cringe and feel a certain amount of regret. Although I've always loved them both, there have been many dark times in my life where that love was masked with flat out disobedience and disrespect. I'm not saying I'm perfect now, but what I AM saying is that I have a more profound appreciation and understanding for what they were trying to do.

Here are a few pieces of wisdom that my mom and teta (that's Arabic for grandma) taught me throughout the years.

1. Be independent. My mom really drove home this point in us. My sister and I ought to be leaders, not followers and not depend on anyone unless you absolutely have to. Because of this one point, I have been able to participate in a lot of things that I otherwise would have been too uncomfortable to do, such as: go to movies alone, engage in social activities with new people, watch live shows alone, take various acting and dance classes and basically anything else I felt like trying that no one else was interested in. It is still a very empowering statement.

2. Do what you have to do first, so you can do what you want to do later. This is one of my grandma's teachings. I remember as a child when my sister and I got home from school my grandma would often be there with a warm home cooked meal and then sit us down to do out homework before we could play or watch TV. She used to say that  we had to do our chores and homework first in case something comes up later that hinders us and then afterwards we can relax knowing that our chores are done. A lesson I try to use until today. That is the main reason I am not a procrastinator.

3. Be kind even to those who are unkind. This lesson was taught by both my mom and my teta. No matter what people do to them, their kind heart doesn't waiver. They don't let the cruelty of others change who they are. It's a quiet and almost passive sort of strength; the way they don't feel that they need to repay evil with evil. It's a Christian value that is very hard to put into practice but my mom and grandma do it anyway.

4. Family is the most important thing. My grandma always made sure that we spent lots of time together with our cousins and aunts and uncles. She always asks us to keep in touch no matter what. My mom kept that same value with my sister and I and although my sister is 3.5 years younger than me, when we were kids, my mom always enforced the idea that if one of us does something or goes somewhere then we can't leave the other one behind. We are never jealous of one another and we love each other and our family very much as a result.

There are many more valuable lessons from my mumsie and my teta but I think that's enough for now. Time to get back to Eli and hanging out with teta.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends and family.

Lots of love

Maureen

5 lies that are told to scare new parents

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about parenthood, especially from those who have never experienced it. In particular, you hear a lot of negative comments about how difficult babies are and how much you will have to give up. I even heard it many times from other parents: "oh get ready, you have no clue how challenging it is." They said, or "get as much sleep as you can now because you'll never get to sleep like that again." Those were the responses I received to being pregnant and about to have a child. It felt like people were trying to scare me or even deter me from having the child. I remember thinking how odd it was that most of the reactions I received were within this frame of mind. In response, I always answered back "I can't wait to meet baby" or "I'm looking forward to it!" To which people usually gave me this look like you say that NOW, but just wait and see.

Well, now it has been 5 months that my little Eli has been in my life and I wanted to share 5 lies that are told to new parents:

1. Babies are insanely dirty and messy. Babies are not as messy as people make them out to be. Yes of course they pee and poo like a gazillion times a day. There's also spit up and slobber eventually but it's not like they are the Tasmanian devil... They are tiny so as long as you have plenty of bibs, wipes and diapers you can keep them (and yourself) fairly clean.

2. Babies smell. Babies don't stink. They naturally smell great and are super cuddly. Their poop stinks but as long as you change that poopy diaper right away (and you keep your baby clean) you will have a wonderful smelling baby.

3. Babies are boring to care for. Babies can be incredibly entertaining. I love watching him learn and adjust to life. Every new skill is something to celebrate and you feel absolutely ecstatic when baby reaches his milestones. They are funny too. Watching Eli try so hard to grasp at something or babble is so funny to me, especially when his efforts are given with a stern or serious expression.

4. You have to give up your life once you have a child. I think this is one of the more common lies I've heard. What people don't seem to understand is that as you grow and transition through life, your interests change but you do not. I still love to dance and be creative and I still do that, the only difference is that now I do it mostly at home, with the person I love most in the whole world. You don't give up your life, you alter it. It becomes a new version of what you were doing before and most parents will tell you that they're actually happier with this version of their lives, which should come as no surprise because as you grow, your interests change. When it comes to your goals, they may be more challenging to achieve buy they are usually still doable and if due to some extraneous circumstance you have to put your goal on hold, you usually don't mind too much as long as you can provide a happy life for your baby.

5. Having a baby can ruin your marriage. I'm not sure why this is such a common thing for pregnant or new moms to hear but I have definitely heard it a lot in some way, shape or form. Some say the husband becomes jealous of the mother's love for her child. Others say having a new baby shifts the romantic focus off a relationship. Still others say the stress of a new baby can take it's toll on the parents, therefore resulting in a tired and cranky couple. However, in my personal experience I've found that although both of us have slightly shifted our way of thinking, this baby seems to have strengthened the bond between my husband and I. I don't think either one of us would ever be jealous of our child because we both love him so much and we love each other.

What has your parenting experience been like? Or have you heard people say these lies and if so what was your response?

Lots of love

Maureen